I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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