His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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