two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
