i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
