So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
