I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
