What a fucking waste of an outfit
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
