i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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