me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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