we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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