I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
