Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
