I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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