so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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