i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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