If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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