I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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