He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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