All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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