You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
