Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
