my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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