Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
