he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
