Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
vagina is talking i cant
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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