I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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