Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
