I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
