just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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