the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
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I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
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You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize