i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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