it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
