im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
