85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
