I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize