the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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