I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
