Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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