I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My liver just broke up with me...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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