"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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