I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
