Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
