What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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