i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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