I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
