I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I need to calm my uterus...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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