best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
