I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it hurts more in the daytime
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
