I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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