How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
