i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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