I CAN MOONWALK!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
