Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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