Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
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And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
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you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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