I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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