Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
