i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
