four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
