also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Less talking, more tequila
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
