I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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