You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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