marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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