you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
