No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
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Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
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We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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